The Journey of Friendship Through Times of Great Change

Written October 1 2017

Thank you Creator for adversity, challenges, turmoil, pain, uncertainty, fears, and for polishing this heart as a diamond like no other. Life change. It’s an amazing activator, purifier, and cleanser. It’s a restart button. It’s an opportunity to gain even greater clarity on your life journey. In the times of big illness, sudden loss, death, or change (or sometimes all of them at once), you get to know yourself even better. You get to know the truth of what you are beyond taking things as personally and painfully as possible, and have the opportunity to climb out of the pit of despair of victimhood once and for all.

When life turns up the heat, it’s so interesting how it simultaneously also shows you your friends of depth and endurance. You pretty much have to hang in there with whatever shows up; it’s your life, after all. You are in it from the first breath to the last and get to choose whether or not you will be your own best friend through thick and thin. But what about your closest friends? Or people you sincerely thought were friends? Tested times show the immense staying power of an incredible friend or partner. Or not.

During the not so pretty or easy times, some friends will come to the forefront to be the friends you had no idea they could be. They will surprise you with support and love you in ways beyond imagination. Together, your connection seems to deepen and come to redefine what love even is -- it’s so amazing. They are true, unfailing, unwavering. They show you such a thing exists and endures in the Universe. They are impeccable with their words and actions. They move you to tears in their embodiment and demonstration of what it means to show love, care, and compassion.

Other friends will make these tumultuous times about choosing “sides” (even if there aren’t any), choosing issues, or are simply just out of emotional bandwidth to be there for anyone else but themselves. They will not take the time, or have the interest in going deep with you in a time that calls out for support – whether that be to listen nonjudgmentally, give a hug, help where physically needed, or even just “hold space” and sit with you in companionship when there don’t seem to be adequate words for the situation. They are not able to say, “I know this is hard and you don’t know how to move through this. I don’t either. Let me sit in the unknown with you, simply love you, and we can go through this together.”

And still other friends just quietly fade in the background or go away altogether…no more phone calls, texts, or checking in anymore. They don’t want to “get involved” partly because they are as uncomfortable and torn up as you are over whatever is arising, or it triggers something a little too familiar for them in their own personal storylines, or they just simply don’t know how to respond in being there for you as you face what’s in front of you. When it’s their exit point in your storyline, life often makes it dramatically clear in these accelerated times. 

 
This can be shocking, surprising, disappointing, and disorienting when it happens fast. It can cause you to question “If this left so quickly, how deep, strong, real, and true was the connection to begin with?” The mind will creatively offer many questions as it scours the past to look for missed signs that this was coming. When it’s too late to prevent this loss of friendship on top of the other losses and changes that are already in full swing, it then looks for pockets of blame and justification to try to help you reason or understand your way out of it to somehow feel better.

At one time or another in life, we can come to see that no matter the situation or people who come and go, WE are always the constant. We are the common denominator throughout the whole big film on the screen. It’s our starring role and this life is our vision quest in the woods. When in the woods, of course we want companionship – someone to turn to and say, “Did you hear that sound?” and to have enough food, water, and shelter. Sometimes we get out there and find it’s a time of fasting, and oh darn, the flashlight was left at home.

Whether you know how to greet the life change in front of you or not, with or without certain friends by your side, you are always called to respond. Life calls you out into the open to face it and answer a call that will undoubtedly deepen the caves of compassion within your heart. 

Will you crumble? Will you burst forth from ashes like a phoenix? Will you eventually embrace life’s chisel that has carved you into the most astounding work of art through these very revealing times? Sometimes it’s a bit of “select all” experience from one moment to the next. There’s no right or wrong way to move through challenges and change. You certainly can take things that happen in your life or don’t happen according to your wishes quite personally and get hurt or angry, just as much as you are free to see the landscape of your reality simply as the flux and flow of energy from one place to the next on the merry-go-round of life.

However you move through change, eventually when the smoke clears and dusts settles, can you see that life’s circumstances have created every possibility to offer you even more miraculous opportunities, more incredible openings, and are shining new light on pathways to your greatest abundance, connection, and joys. After the winds of the hurricane blow, the rains stop and the sun comes out. We gather together and clean up the place with our steadfast friends by our side, and we make new ones along the way.

Much love to you friend,

Julie Dittmar


P.S. Please Share this as your heart is inspired. May we all know the joys of true friendship, compassion, and love. 
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