Dealing with the Backslides in Health Again and Again
You know I’m not just “one note.” You’re not either. In order for healing and evolution to take place, life includes everything. I don’t JUST talk about the fun and happy parts. It’s important to include the dark, sad, hard, frustrating parts of life. It's the integration of all the parts that contribute to our wholeness of being.
Us lightworkers are here to be real and true; to live fully with nothing to hide. Part of my work as a healer is through inspiration, storytelling, and embodiment of the yogic path. I am always happy to share anything from my teachings, learnings, experiences, and life that will help another to feel seen, heard, understood, held, supported, and connected to something larger than the suffering of one's personal journey.
For more years than I care to even think about--every single day--I've been working on solving my body's depletion of energy and lack of wellness so that I can regain full body wellness again. I absolutely believe in healing on every possible level. Anything and anyone can heal. We see examples all around us in life. The miraculous, thankfully, doesn't take holidays off.
As I write this, I’m the strongest I’ve been in the past few years as I recover from a journey of mystery chronic illness (fatigue, nervous system issues, gut repair, heavy metal overload). Suddenly, in the past few weeks, with the most severe episode being last night...I’m reacting to food again. After years of various east and west doctors and modalities, completely reworking my diet, and thousands of dollars in treatments and supplements, this felt like a huge jarring blow. I was so disheartened, frustrated, and big time bummed.
After dinner at a restaurant I was headachy, super dizzy from my heart racing so fast, and my lungs were frightfully tight. I was feeling super vulnerable as my cousin looked at me from across the table and asked if I was alright. I was feeling scared and weepy just trying to breathe. Dang, I thought I was out of those woods, and there I was facing that monster again!
I used to go through those scares on a regular basis two years ago until I really worked to heal the gut. The food reactions were completely random...even with my “safe foods” and regular farm to table restaurants. It was like a moving target every time my doctors and I would try to locate the source physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.
It would often happen while on a speaking tour right before I went on stage and Matt Kahn (my biz/teaching partner at that time) and I would be concerned about whether or not I was going to pass out or have to go to the hospital. My body skated that line, but thankfully didn't cross it. My random attacks after eating a meal without any particulary offending ingredients or allergens were kicking off such panic attacks and discomfort that it got to the point that I was almost afraid to eat.
I could have gotten all up in my head, scared, and depressed about what this suprising backslide meant for my for my new dreams and plans to learn to kiteboard and race sailboats. For a second, I worried about being able to ever get exercise again with these reoccuring lung issues, let alone have the energy do a sport. Somehow this flare up and return of "old symptoms" felt different.
There was a strength underneath it all that didn’t used to be there. I intuitively could feel a foundation, a footing, something that I could continue to build health upon...I focused on that. The body told me there was more healing to happen and it’s time to love the one who is re-experiencing this again. Definitely. It's time to pause, breathe slowly and evenly, and dig more deeply into my well of patience.
It’s time to love the mind through its fears. The fears are future based of course. "Will I ever heal? Is this as good as it will ever get? What if I become incapacitated again and have to stay home? How will I get things done around the house, or work, or get out to see friends and live life? Will I ever be able to do things again that require a certain level of physical ability? Can I participate again in things I enjoy and try new things? How bad will this get?"
Bless the mind. It does such a thorough job of being like a good dog and fetching sticks for us -- except the sticks are worries that take up valuable space we could be using for faith, hope, trust, and love. Let it run wild, go crazy, think of all the doomsday and catastrophic scenarios. Let it ask a zillion questions. None of them have to be answered.
Just sit with the mind like you would with an overly anxious friend. Breathe. Pour a cup of tea. And remind your anxious friend that we don't know what's true about any of that. Life will show us what true in time. The future isn't here right now. Only this moment is here. So let us breathe and see if we can find something to love and feel grateful for.
While highly unpleasant, uncomfortable, and inconvenient as that backslide was, I keep my face toward the wind, and I still smile. The wind knows which way to blow even if we don't. Can we follow the wind just for the sake of the journey?
We are each such powerful, curious explorers. May we get up again and again after each fall and still be in wonder and awe about what the next day will hold. May we we let love guide our every breath.
Always love & compassion,
If you could use more love, not less in your life today, please join me in the “I love yous” to your own heart.