Self-Love When You're Single -- Again!

Sailing solo. While it’s true that I’m sailing solo right now, I am not alone. My heart is never alone, abandoned, neglected, or lacking in any way, especially when self-love is actively engaged and at the forefront of what’s important for the journey. It's always about the self-love. Life is constantly directing and redirecting us to love ourselves.

While it isn’t high on my wish list to welcome in being single again—here it is. Instead of sharing a romantic connection with my soulmate today (aside from my own precious heart), I sit with the knowing that everything is here to help me grow and evolve into an even more amazing beam of light. And yes, as cliché as it sounds and this never seems to help anyone feel better “There IS a reason for everything.” It’s okay if that illicits a groan. Those of us on this path know it’s actually true. We live it. We know it requires a certain depth of trust and faith that thankfully, I happen to have at this point in life.

Life is brilliant at always showing us what is meant to be. What’s meant to be….simply is. It’s what’s up, it’s what’s going on, it’s what’s in front of us. Acceptance is the way of peace. Fighting “what is” just creates more stress and conflict in the body and mind. Life knows how to steer the boat. It knows right when to send a puff of wind into our sails or a strong current of redirection our way.

But there is a difference between being alone and solitude. Today is a day of solitude. It’s okay, this is all too familiar terrain for me. Perhaps your newsfeed today, like mine, is filled with smiling photos of beautiful couples and all that ways that shows up in its gorgeous diversity, and their inspiring stories of how they came together, how they attracted their dream partner, how much joy they celebrate together with every breath and with every passing annivarsary, and how their love is ever deepening.

Maybe if you are solo/single that brings up feelings of missing out on something, sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, a review of all the rights/wrongs of your past partnerships, or self-reflection and wondering why on Earth you haven’t found the amazing desired match of your own dreams if you are such an incredible partner! Your dating profile reads: Unicorn seeking unicorn, and yet a buffalo in a party hat shows up!

Maybe it brings up heartache, longing, unbearable feelings of aloneness, and just wanting to be held and told everything will be okay. Maybe seeing "everyone else have someone" is a painful reminder of your empty arms and bed, cooking for one, and the deafening silence of your home. 

Or, maybe on the other side of much dating and many relationships you see those images and stories and you feel relief. Maybe you feel relieved to be single again and completely free and independent of someone else’s wants/needs, schedule, habits, quirks, energy, unresolved baggage, etc. The time and energy invested in trying to blend you and “the other” together was exhausting and now you are happy to rest.

Maybe it’s feeling wonderful to NOT share your body, your energy, your time with another. You return to your own rhythm, and remind yourself what’s always been important to you that you may have been losing sight of in the relationship. You return to listening more deeply to your intuition that really WAS speaking to you all along, but in the excitement of love bubbles, you chose to ignore.

Or, maybe seeing the love others share is sparking the warm fuzzies and an outpouring of genuine gratitude and excitement. Maybe with every photo you see of happy lovers, you congratulate and bless their joy. Maybe you are grateful for seeing their heartfelt connection as a foreshadowing of what is already on its way to you. What if with every blessing you send them, that is amplifying the love and abundance in all areas of your life?

However you see love showing up in your life and in the lives of others, today and every day invites us to “love the one we’re with” (a great Crosby, Stills & Nash song).

If you’re single and sailing solo (or even in a relationship), perhaps some of these mantras below will resonate and serve your heart. Maybe they can unlock something in your heart and energy field.

As I sit all cozy fireside at home in silence right now, I share this with you:

*Thank you Life for sending me beautiful sunsets that set my heart afire and remind me of my own aliveness.

*Thank you for the breeze that is the lover who kisses my cheeks.

*Thank you Life for allowing me to see, feel, and embrace all the mysterious and synchronistic ways life loves me (a dog chasing me down on my walk just to kiss me, the purr of a cat friend, a hug of compassion from a server at a restaurant, or the sweet woman working at the humane society holding space for me and my arm while I cried).

*Thank you for the power of sisterhood and brotherhood, and for true friends. 

*Thank you for the healing power of connection through a community of caring hearts.

*Thank you for passions that carry me forward deeper into the journey of life (whatever that is for you…singing, exercise, pets, sailing, movies, crafts, dancing, travel, game nights, bowling).

*Thank you for this space so that I may be with my heart to give it what it needs right now—my own love.

*Thank you for the space to share this body, mind, and spirit with the true one Beloved.

*While no one is holding my hand right now, I am the parent to my inner child saying “It’s okay sweetie, I love you. I will always be here for you no matter what. I will never leave you.”

*I put my hands on my heart, inhale slowly, fully, and deeply to expand the rib cage and heart space. I say to myself “I love you. I love you. I love you. I know your hopes, dreams, desires, and will always love you. I am here for you no matter what ever comes and goes.”

*Thank you Life for the characters in my play who inspire me to be the best version of myself ever.

*Thank you Life for showing me where to send love next--to myself and others. Whatever arises—love that.

*All of this—whether looking like togetherness or solitude—is part of a bigger, more elaborate, intricate, interconnected plan in the Universe.

*Everything is here to help me. Everything in my reality has a reason and purpose for existing. I may or may not know what it is, but trust in the wisdom of the flow of life.

*I cannot control, coerce, or conspire to rush the Universe’s plan for me. It is all in Divine timing. I trust, allow, and appreciate how LOVE moves throughout me and my life.

*Thank you for allowing me to experience the power of my own love. 

I am the LOVE I seek; the love I seek I am.

I love you crazy awesome sweetheart, she whispers in her own ear. She smiles and listens. 

With so much love in my heart to share,

P.S. I couldn’t think of a better way to honor your journey of love than to offer you more love, not less right here: Live to Love


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